The following is a transcript of Judge Jeanine Pirro's opening statement on President Barack Obama's 2014 State of the Union address.

I'm a happy person. An optimist. I look for the positive.

To me -  it's the only way to get through life. 

Broadway boasts - the sun will come out tomorrow.  

And I'm good with that... 

Too bad Broadway's sun can't break through Washington's clouds.

Judge Jeanine: President Obama is ‘the Master of Contradiction’

So - don't lie to me and tell me the sun's out when it's pouring rain. Don't give me a political speech all patriotic and sunny when the flood is so high, animals are lining up two by two. 

Speaking of animals – I watched the president's sixth State of the Union address with my two standard poodles.  

I'm not quite sure who the president was talking to, but none of it rang true to the three us. Right now my two poodles are camped out on the dock waiting for that ark.

Judge Jeanine Warns of Vulnerability of America's Power System

It's nothing new. And to paraphrase another Washington paragon - what difference does it make?  I'll tell you what difference it makes.  Lies threaten your future and your children's future. 

Yet in an uncertain world, with an uncertain economy, and an uncertain future - the president's highlight? A minimum wage increase only for federal contractors.


You talk minimum wage while Iran races towards a nuclear weapon while you reverse the sanctions against them as people with terminal illnesses lose their health care because you lied to all of them.

And you trumpet the minimum wage?  

And you pump up the night by telling us: 
- the economy has never been better.  
- we have more manufacturing jobs than we did in the 1990s.  
- that we have a great job recovery.  
- the lowest unemployment rate in five years.  
- and that we are the envy of the world.

Mr. President, who are you talking to? Do you think any of us believe that? Our world standing is far lower than when you came into office. The Middle East burns us in effigy. Even you can't believe yourself!

And here's a doozy:

According to whom? You're kidding, right? Let me make this simple.

China is our creditor. Would you rather do business with a bank or a debtor?

The truth? Experts overwhelmingly say the best countries to do business with are Ireland, China, India, Brazil, Canada - we're even behind Estonia!

And this one - we have the lowest unemployment rate in five years. Of course we do - people are so depressed they've stopped looking for jobs.

If there's such great job creation, why do we need to continuously extend unemployment benefits?  Why are there 20 million more Americans on food stamps since you took office?   

You want to up the minimum wage so more can attain the American dream. I'm all for that... I worked for the minimum wage for years in a dairy and as a telephone operator.  But if you're pushing the American dream, why the hell are you allowing in illegal immigrants who are competing for that same level of pay?

Of course it's everyone else's fault - and you tell Congress to get bills to your desk to put more Americans back to work.  

Excuse me -  ready-to-be filled jobs for ready-to-work Americans? Sounds a lot like those "shovel ready" jobs that weren't so shovel ready after you put 800 billion of our hard earned tax dollars in the stimulus. That didn't work out so well.

Folks - it's all theater.  

And speaking of theater - what's with the "Mad Men" analogy? 

You say women still make 77 cents for every dollar a man earns? A woman deserves equal pay for equal work?  Last time I gave a speech on that was 20 years ago.  

Have you ever heard of the Equal Pay Act of 1963? Title 7 of the Civil Rights Act? Or the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act?

How dumb do you think we really are?

Mr. President - here's a thought - stop using my wallet, and my reproductive organs, to instill fear in me and coopt me into thinking that only you and your party are on my side and that everyone else has declared war on me?

Stop pandering, deceiving and bullying us into thinking we women are victims. We're doing just fine, thank you. 

Speaking of bullying, you bring the full weight and authority of the United States Department of Justice against the Little Sisters of the Poor - who've devoted their lives to caring for the sick and dying elderly - because they follow their religious beliefs?  Their First Amendment freedom?

You even sound like a bully... "I'm going to do what I want, when I want..."

Where are you taking your lead from?  

This guy? Or the U.S. Constitution - which clearly outlines separation of powers?  

And what's that? You've got a pen and you're going to use it? You're not going to wait for Congress, and you're going to use it to help the middle class?

Here's an idea - take that pen... And approve the Keystone pipeline. Your State Department after two years and countless environmental impact statements says it's safe. The issue you're not going to get to until this summer? Thousands of jobs - not to mention a boon to the local economies, and long term energy independence.  Sign it!

You got a pen and you're going to use it? Take that pen... and send a memo to Eric Holder to stop your crusade against Catholics and the Little Sisters of the Poor! Your going after the Little Sisters is your war on women.

You got a pen and you're going to use it? Take that pen... and force the private sector to protect our grid against an electromagnetic pulse.

Your ObamaCare numbers ain't so rosy. Don't try to kid us into thinking that all is well when people with terminal illnesses have lost their insurance and more are signing up for Medicaid than anything else! 

You say we're coming together, but you won't reach across the aisle. You call your political opponents arsonists and terrorists. You belittle *anyone* who disagrees with you. Are you kidding? This is all just theater.  

Unfortunately, the sun ain't coming out tomorrow, folks - gloomy skies are in the forecast until at least 2016.