A self-written obituary is gaining national attention after a dying man signed off with a humorous confession. Val Patterson died of throat cancer earlier this month, but not before revealing secrets that even some of his family members didn’t know.

Trace Gallagher said this obituary went viral so fast that when the funeral home posted it on their website that it crashed because they were getting 100,000 hits per minute.

The obituary starts out with Patterson talking about his passion for science and the love he has for his wife of 33 years, but then it takes a surprising turn, with him admitting that he was a thief:

“As it turns out, I AM the guy who stole the safe from View Drive Inn back in June, 1971. I could’ve left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest,” he wrote. “…The day I went to pay off my college student loan at the U of U, the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later a PhD diploma came in the mail. I didn’t even graduate … In fact, I never did even learn what the letters ‘PhD’ even stood for.”

Patterson went on to say that he had a great life and that he traveled where he wanted and ate what he wanted. His two regrets: smoking, which led to his throat cancer, and that he could not spend his older years with the woman of his dreams.

His one bit of advice, “If you want to live forever, don’t quit breathing like I did.”